


The Lost Adventures of Hannibal King

by Zeke_Macbeth



Category: Blade (Movie Series)
Genre: Crossover, Drabble, Gen, Humor, Multi-Crossover, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 10:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeke_Macbeth/pseuds/Zeke_Macbeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal King isn’t allowed on solo missions anymore. Mostly because every time he went out alone he became the victim of temporary universe displacement. King just thinks he’s a vampire magnet. (or simply, what if King had the same problem with staying in his own universe as Deadpool does?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lost Adventures of Hannibal King

# (or why King isn’t allowed solo missions)

**-Interview with the Vampire-**

“Oh my God! Your parents actually named you Lestat? Did they hate you or something? By the way, turning little girls into vampires? Really fucking creepy, just saying.”

“You know, if you really don’t want to kill people you could just get them totally shit face drunk and then not drink so much blood that it kills them. I mean it’s just fucking common sense.”

 

“So what you’re telling me is that this vampire guy Armand is really fucking old and therefore boring. And he’s trying to seduce you to spice up his sex life? Trust me buddy; I’ve been down that road. It is not filled with happy bunnies and rainbows.”

“Your familiar is a street urchin with more bite marks than a #2 pencil. You are such a fucking pedo bear.”

 

“Your hair is girly and your accent is pretentious. Clearly I need to cleanse the world of your existence.”

 

**-Twilight-**

“Ok, let me get this straight. You are a vampire named Edward who is in love with this High School chick named Bella and you want to run away with her to get married, but you won’t cuz you’re angsty about being on an all liquid diet and shit. God, it’s like being stuck in some crap teen romance novel.”

 

“Oh my God, you glitter. You fucking glitter in the fucking sun. I think I’m in hell.”

 

“You’re the vampire councel? And you summoned them with a fucking letter on actual fucking paper? What the fuck is wrong with e-mail? Oh my God. You wear little matching robes. That’s it. You have to die.”

 

“W-wait, wait. Before you kill me there is something I’d like to say. First of all, you’re midget enforcer over there has some real anger issues. Secondly, the blond of your little trio looks like the love child of Legolas and Justin Bieber. And thirdly, you’re currently raping my personal space.”

 

“Dude, you’re a fucking skin walker! That is so cool. Wait. What do you mean mate?”

 

“Does anyone else smell a really awkward love triangle?”

 

**-Resident Evil-**

“Zombies? What, like vampires weren’t enough?!”

 

“A licker? That thing doesn’t lick. It fucking breaks you in half and chugs your blood like a frat boy at a beer drinking contest!”

 

“Ok, that is it. I am officially turning away from giant corporations and only supporting small family owned businesses. I refuse to support the creation of vampire zombies. Take a look around. They obviously bring down the property value.”

 

“Can I just say that Jill Valentine sounds like a stripper name? By the way, I like the skirt and tube top combo.”

 

“Is it just me or does this town have an unusual amount of Special Forces with floppy hair?”

 

“You know, you’d think there’d be more people around. What, with all those books on how to survive this shit.”

 

“Damn, undead kids are still fuckin’ creepy. And who the hell decided to make zombies that could run?”

 

**-Fright Night-**

“Wait, you’ve been using your vampiric thirst for blood to kill off irritating High School kids? Well damn, I don’t know if I should cut your head off or give you a medal. Ok, thought about it. I should probably cut your head off. I mean I did bring the stuff for it.”

 

“So, you’re saying that you used the memory of your traumatic childhood to become incredibly rich and famous. Why didn’t I think of that?”

 

“Dude, you’re telling me that is your girlfriend and you haven’t done it yet? You know it _is_ ok to be into guys, right? Just not vampires. They tend to eat you in a non-sexy manner.”

 

“You know, as a Night Stalker I’m usually the one doing the stalking. And the fact that you have me tied up in your creepy basement of death is not winning you any brownie points with me. I don’t give blood on the first date. What kind of girl do you take me for?”

 

“A blessed stake, really? That shit works?”


End file.
